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Cake Pushers!

My office is such a stereotype.

Every workplace I've ever been a part of has been alarmingly predictable with their all American characteristics.

The common aspect that I will blabber about today is the tendency to be spiteful and/or overly inquisitive towards anyone who exhibits "healthy" behaviors in the workplace.

Example #1: I've alluded to this before, but every time I turn down coffee (which for Kelly Clarkson's sake isn't even an unhealthy drink), someone has to remark on my nobility.  "whooaaa, you have natural energy... Show off"

Natural Energy!  Actually I think I had a red bull before this.


Example #2:  We have a LOT of celebration lunch parties.  There are 799 excuses per year to have one -- most recently was Administrative Day, so naturally we had a meat and cake party!  (I don't eat meat.  Another thing my coworkers bug me about).  Then there are a billion birthdays and legit holidays, all of which demand a meat and cake party.

While a cake party could be a SUPER AWESOME thing to have once a week, our cake parties are sponsored by the yucky kind of cake that is $4.99 at Safeway.  White cake, white (or neon food colored) sugar frosting -- shudder-inducing pure sugar frosting -- not the good stuff that is mixed with butter, and those little sugar sprinkles that look like paper hole punches.

cake fail

This is the kind of cake I even knew to decline in 1st grade.


During a cake party, one is not allowed to say "no thanks, I would rather eat 6 Gu's."  I have tried to politely decline, but the more I try, the more I am served a King-Kong piece.

OK this actually looks kinda good.

So I obligingly saturate my tongue with sugar and bright blue food coloring.  Stupid office culture!

Now if only it was  WORTHY cake, that would be a different story.  A cake, for instance, like any made by the talented Allison.  Such as this tres leches cake she made.

Pure.  Porn.



Example # 3: Recently, someone brought donuts in the morning.   I turned one down as I had literally just eaten a large smoothie and two mugs of cereal with almond milk, as per my usual office breakfast.

In reaction to the NERVE of my "healthy" choice, lawyer #1 found a way to remark upon my denial of the donuts twice in the span of three days.  He just couldn't let it go, huh?

Example 4: Today, while eating my 7th or 8th snack of the day (I. eat. every. hour) I was chowing on raw vegetables (Cauliflower, carrots, and mushrooms) with salad dressing for dipping.

Lawyer # 2: whooaaa, are those yours? raw? that must be reeeeaallly healthy.
Me: um.  just as healthy if they're cooked, really.
Lawyer # 2:  no, you see, actually the heating process nerd nerd nerdy nerd, nerd nerd.
Me: ok.  So I should eat donuts instead of heated vegetables from now on, got it.

Really now, I'm a big girl eater.  I pack so much food for work I can barely schlep my bag up the stairs, and I feel like an embarrassed deer in headlights every single time my coworkers walk by me that I have food hanging out of my mouth.

Only thing that's missing is half a string cheese in my mouth.


I eat donuts, I eat cake, but I eat them when I want to and when they are quality.  Not just for office camaraderie.  Or for America!!

And to come full circle, the fascinating thing is how utterly normal my office is for being so eager to eat pastries, gossip about weight and diet, and blatantly or subtly ostracize the person/s who don't love midday sugar celebrations.  There is another thing I'm going to mention here, and this is going to be a really long paragraph for a specific, sociological, scientific reason.  Here I shall slide some neutral words in here to test how carefully readers actually read dense paragraphs, or if they skim and move on.  I'm going to avoid using a certain word that rhymes with liv-uh-ray, which is defined as the act of the author of this blog creating a box of nice things to send to a person who is fortunate enough to comment in the right number spot.  So in order to be the successful reader who will receive these nice things, write one of the following within your comment below so as not to alert others that you are entering anything: I like it when my coworkers force me to eat donuts, or; you are one hilarious cat roserunner, or; you owe me for listening to such a long rant.  The items that will be sent to the selected commenter will be pictured and in a post in the near future, and I can only try my best to assure you that they are nice for your taste buds and brain.  And scene.  So as you can see, I am very unique in my assessment of the American diet and workplace, and I know I am preaching to the choir of all you runner-blog or health-blog readers who probably don't push cake on people at lunch everyday.  Although if you did, that would be kind of fantastic in an ironic way.

As for me, when I actually have a cake that I really like, I don't share it with others.  So definitely no cake-pushing on my part.

And before I head out of here, a couple of reader questions to answer:

1) I eat gum when I run because I am addicted. Simple.  My mom got me addicted to chewing gum when I was probably 12 or so.  I may or may not be on the verge of TMJ.

2) I only drink cherry juice before or after HARD runs, or in the evening if I'm concerned I may be sore the next day.  otherwise, it's not my favorite taste in the world so I don't chug it just for kicks.

3) the pic from the previous post was indeed the Gum Wall in Seattle.  I've never personally seen it.  I swipe a lot of pics from Google, and I don't feel bad because I get $0 for this blog.


Question: do you typically read other blogs pretty carefully, or do you skim?  if you sometimes read and sometimes skim, what helps makes that decision?