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This is stupid

In the world of run-blogging, I am absolutely useless when I am down on account of pre-injury caution.  I'm a magazine insert.  I'm a belly-button.  Useless.  I have little to report except to say that I should never take a sweaty hard speed workout for granted.  Sometimes I dread speed work, right now I crave it so bad.  When I'm back at the track, I have to remember how lucky I am to feel that kind of hurt.

My calf ouchie has kept up, it's definitely not a muscle pull or even a tightness (I feel nothing when I stretch it) but it feels really precarious to run on, so I've taken it easy this week (since first noticing the problem on Sunday).  I'm really bummed that I am going on my second week of (almost) no speed work, especially because I know how fast speed work gains can fade, and I am running a half-marathon in 10 days.  It would have been nice to go into that race feeling confident with some hard-earned miles behind me.  It looks like it will just be a long tempo run instead.

And like all of us running freaks, I edge on the precipice of something like depression when I can't run. Something like it.  It's also something like, "god I never realized how much I hate the elliptical until I had no choice but to ride this thing instead of running outside in the cool morning air."  The morning air in Oakland is so delicious.  It is virtually never hot before 9:00 a.m. in Oakland.  The air inside my gym?  Say it with me.....hot fart air.   You gym rats are a farty bunch.  Fiber is not good gym fuel! Eat some turkey instead or something. (it actually took me a while there to think of a food that doesn't potentially lead to farts).

Here is a further summary of my mind on no-running something-like-depression:
  • showers are stupid.  Who wants to shower unless it's because you sweat so hard that your hair is soaked and matted down.
  • Runners World is stupid.  All of you run and write about running, so what.  Not my chair, not my problem.  Hey writer, did it EVER occur to you that this crazy-cool workout is highly offensive because I have a calf problem at the moment?!?  
  • Rainbow roses are stupid.  They just wilt away and die eventually, even when you give them fresh water, flower food, and a trim every day.  
A petal-less flower

I am collecting the petals

Some are still hanging in there.  We can hang in there together, roses, it's me and you! Let's do this!

  • Compression socks are stupid.  It's just sitting on my calf, pretending to work, but really is on facebook getting nothing accomplished
Ugh.  Hearts are stupid.  As is purple. 


In further Olympic Observations:

1) Why haven't "pan to the athlete's mom and dad shots" been used more often in the history of sports?  This is so fun, heart-warming, and hysterical.  I want to see this stuff everywhere -- at the Academy Awards, at baseball games, at graduations.  Parents are the best.  Which is why they should get FRONT ROW SEATS, geeeeeez, these poor parents in neck-break rows.

You cute psychos

2)   Every product manages to involve the Olympics in their commercials.  Subway? Athletes LOVE to eat sandwiches   Bounty towels? Gymnasts spill shit ALL over the house by practicing flips in the kitchen.  United Airlines?  The Olympics are in London, and these Americans didn't swim there! We flew them!  New Comedies on NBC? just like the Olympics, we aren't funny, not even a little bit.

I'm sure you all have a DVR and none of this made sense.  I live in 1998, and have to suffer through commercials.

3) We must end the photo-op of athletes biting into their gold medal.  It's not nearly as cool as WINNING the gold medal.  If you do the math, it makes you less cool.  Just be there with it.



4)  Just for laughs.

This is THE first image that pops up if you Google "Olympic divers"


5) Who is on steroids?  Every athlete? Every athlete in certain sports?  I am naive enough to have thought that no athletes take steroids, NONE, except for those who have been publicly caught.  But I had a long conversation with my boss today (I'm calling it CLE, totally furthering my legal education) about whether all the Olympic swimmers, runners, bicyclists are taking a little something extra.  I'm confused. Who's cooking this stuff up, and why is it not detectable?

6) It's a tough trade-off that in order to be a woman Olympian in swimming, distance running, or gymnastics, you kinda have to give up your boobs.  What would you rather have: an Olympic gold medal, or boobs? (guys you can play too).  I think the answer is supposed to be the medal, but....no, it's boobs.  I'm picking boobs. 

I promised the Gentleman a dance party tonight, so I gotta go suit up and pump the volume on Miami Nights 1984.    This should be good for my calf.