Day Five

It happened on Thursday.

I became worn down.  I've never felt this way before about running.  I am THISCLOSE to being able to run hard and pick it back up and train for a December 2, 2012 marathon.

But mentally the unknown has worn me down.  The unknown of which days I will feel great, which days I won't be able to run at all.  The unknown of how much I am damaging my body by continuing to run month after month on an imperfect left leg.  The unknown of whether I have a femoral neck stress fracture since apparently my readers know more than my doctor and she should have sent me for an MRI, not an X-ray*.

So I give in, I give up.  I'm officially going off running, for a minimum two weeks, starting last Wednesday.  That makes today, Sunday, my fifth day of no running.  Already almost half-way done! Unless, of course, this two weeks turns into four weeks turns into 8 weeks....

I officially killed the Garmin.  Giving it a 2+ week vacation.
*I followed up with my doctor about getting an MRI after my x-ray results came back normal.  She basically said no, because that requires a referral to an ortho, and the ortho will require that I first try PT and rest.  So I'm trying PT and rest. 

Last Sunday was the San Jose RnR half marathon.  My body hurt.  On Monday, I ran in the evening with the Gentleman and felt mostly good.  Tuesday I ran on the treadmill at the gym, 8.46 miles in one hour.  Wednesday I met with my doctor who gave me an x-ray and suggested I take two weeks off.  I convinced her that the two weeks would happen after I ran the CIM.

Then I changed my mind.  The two weeks starts now.

This will be hard, so hard.  Taking time off running is probably a no-brainer when you CAN'T run, but I can.  In three days, I know I will be sitting on the couch thinking, "what the hell I am doing, I can totally run right now if I wanted to."

This will be a mental battle.  It has been only five days and already I've flip-flopped literally once very 15 minutes.  "I'm taking two weeks off, I will feel so great afterwards, it will be worth it."  cue 15 minutes later: "I can totally run a few miles this evening, just test the body out, it will feel fine.  I've been comfortable enough running for a year with this on-and-off issue, no reason to stop now when I have a marathon I really want to run."

Let it goooooo.  Let CIM gooo.  Let it go.  It's gone.  The CIM goal is gone. 

I'm so nervous.

I'm nervous that I will take two weeks off, and the buttcrease issue will still be exactly the same, and all I will have lost is two weeks of fitness and fun and training.  I doubt that time off is the fix.

I'm nervous that I will get used to sleeping in and being lazy and I will never get back into my groove where running is as obvious as brushing my teeth

I'm nervous that my runner's appetite won't adjust, and I will pick my running back up a few pounds heavier and running will feel that much harder
I''m nervous that I will lose my runner's appetite, and lose all the hard-earned body mass I currently rock.

I'm nervous that I will seriously get depressed after day 7.  I don't think I've ever stopped running for more than maybe 6 or 7 days in years....

I'm nervous that instead of continuing to cross-train with strengthening, swimming, yoga, or whatever, that I will virtually do NONE of it because I really have no interest in those activities.  The thought of swimming for more than 10 minutes makes me want to karate chop the water.  Maybe I'll do karate instead.

I'm nervous that I won't make it two weeks without running, because I am very, very, very stubborn and very, very, very eager to run.

I'm nervous that if/when I start running again, it will be three weeks before CIM, and I will want to run it anyway, and getting a Personal Worst will feel very gross. 

I'm nervous that I'm going to resent every blog I read where y'all are running and racing.

I'm nervous this blog will SUCK when all I can talk about is how I stretched for 10 minutes and then rant about other sucky bloggers

What's the most that can happen in two weeks?  I'm not going to forget how to run, right?

I wonder what other activities I can do.  My doctor mentioned swimming.  I wrote her an email asking for follow-up, and she said to avoid activities that mimic running, like "walking, elliptical, and stair climbing."  Walking and the elliptical have never aggravated the buttcrease, so that is kind of hard to swallow.   But fine.  She recommended swim, bike, yoga.  I will do yoga when I'm dead.

But what about the other options? Jillian Micheal's videos? Jump rope?  Rock climb (I hope!!)? Ribbon dancing? Dancing dancing? Dancing in front of the mirror?  Dancing in front of the mirror naked?

Let's talk swimming.

Wednesday, off.  Thursday, off.  Friday, life is starting to really suck without endorphins, so I give swimming a try.  Even though....I don't have a one-piece swim suit.  I don't have a swim cap.  I don't have goggles.  And I don't know how to swim laps.  I mean, I know how to swim, but really don't know form and etiquette etc.

I used a guest pass at a gym near my work that has swimming pools.  Plural, because this place is bigger than a Costco, which makes it 3,000 times bigger than the gym by my apartment.  No exaggeration.

Derrr.  Fucking self-pictures in mirrors.  Always comes off as a dirty politician tweeting a 17 year old his bod.

I swam for thirty minutes, and looked at the clock 30 times.  I can't believe how long 30 minutes of swimming felt.

My eyes were stinging.  My left shoulder hurt near the end (still hurts today).  And the friendly old man in the lane near mine kept stopping me to talk about swimming and form (guess he noticed mine sucks).  When you're at the gym on a bike, treadmill, elliptical, you can talk to the friendly chatters without it breaking into your workout.  In the pool, not so much.  I had to stop and wait for him to stop talking to swim again.  STOP talking to me people.

The Gentleman's dad, who is a high-school water polo coach, is hopefully hooking me up with a swim suit, swim cap, and goggles so the next few trips shouldn't be so brutal.

Saturday I rode the bike at my normal hot-fart gym for one hour.  Much more tolerable, the time went by quicker, and now my whole crotch area feels bruised.

Today I did a Jillian Michaels video, since my arm is too sore to swim, my crotch is too sore to bike, my whole body is banned from running, etc.  I kind of half-assed it because I didn't want my arms to be crazy sore, in the hopes I could swim on Monday.

What activities have helped you get through a running "rest"?