Things to make you laugh

1) fun time number one

If you have an iphone 5, or any other device that will type out whatever words you speak to it, here is a fun game that will guarantee to kill some time and make you laugh.

I turn the Siri microphone on and say whatever I can that is not real words.  I just mumble nothings.  You could probably try another language.  And then I wait to see what Siri thinks I have said.  Examples of Siri's interpretations:

  • You know whoever says no comment is Llewllin Shirley did Herman Crommell Bromlett
  • Where is the night Mankin Melina will do Grill Carmel and the machine Laurent

Beautiful poetry.  I love these.  Thank you Siri!

Me and Siri are best friends.  Hanging out in the ladies room like two fine ladies having a real good time. 

2) My wedding save the date.

Hey-ooo, come to our "we've already been married for over a year" wedding

Leila made this for me.  And since she's running Napa this weekend, I'm bringing her the reward of Sees lollipops.  Carrying them the whole time for you.  It's better than Gu.

3) Did you hear the one about Oscar Pistorius?

He was arrested for murder, and then me, the Gentleman, and my sister went on a bad joke rampage (inspired by pathetic news headlines).

There's more where that came from.

Don't mind the lipstick interruption.

4)  You've been watching the Bachelor, RIGHT???

Well then you know that this past week's episode was the overnight suite episode, aka the week where the Bachelor gets laid 3 times after having to kiss a bunch of crazies for ten weeks, aka the week where the Bachelor pretends he is totally just going to talk all night, AKA the week when THE letter from Chris Harrison gets handed to the lady contender at dinner.

The Gentleman decided to re-enact the scene.

oh, this looks sweet.  A nice letter.  What is inside?

Oh dear.

[Please don't be offended by the penis drawing.  This was not an actual proposal you are witnessing; you are witnessing us making fun of Sean, the Bachelor].

5) Did you hear about the best way to share pictures of clothing or pretty beaches and pools with the world?

By posting your naked skin on the internet!

Hey guys, just wanted to show you a picture of the pool
Hey guys, just wanted to show you my new belt

Sorry internet strangers with hot bodies for making you seem stupid.  I don't know if you are or not.

6) The best way to get free shit is to be mean first.

Right over here, just a couple weeks ago, I said, and I quote, "Chobani hasn't sent me any free shit.  I recommend this Fruyo stuff from Fage instead, eat that, Chobani."

Ahem, I said. "eat that, Chobani."

And then Chobani sent me a bunch of free shit.

Like, an unfair amount of yogurt.  Unfair because I'm not a food blogger, and because I just poked fun at their free-stuff-for-bloggers tradition.

Hey, whatre they tryin to do here, eh? Make me look like a punk!?

No pictures for you because you know what it looks like, but no really, A TON of yogurt arrived here.

Chobani, to you I tip my hat and say: touche.  Touche.  Way to kill them with kindness. 


The humor portion of the segment is over.  You know where I'll be this weekend.  NAPA VALLEY MARATHON.  I'm excited.  Game is on.  I'm showing up, and I'm begging that shoulder, buttcrease, and foot problems DON'T show up.  And wind.  The wind can stay home too.

(I just did some researching and it turns out that no headphones are allowed, and Napa takes this SERIOUSLY.  Can anyone confirm? I'm pretty sure I wore them no problem in 2010.  That invites a whole new level of boredom to the never-ending vineyards and seldom cheerleaders.)

(I also just did some more researching and everybody is complaining about how the road is slanted and curvy and it's hard to find an even surface to run on.  What's the solution to this? Run on the center line?)

If you are running in Napa this weekend, run your heart out, and don't forget say hi!