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ShittyBlogger

Hi, I'm a blog about health and running.  I found running and it turned my life around.  I used to be 10 pounds fatter than super thin.  Ew! Look at me now.  Inspiring! I get A LOT of questions about the fact that this is so inspiring, like, "fact: you are so inspiring?" So, on a regular rotation, I present to you my hard-earned expert knowledge that you have sadly not been able to learn on your own.  That's too bad for you.  Check in here every day so you can be less sad.*

*Actually guaranteed to make you more sad.

FIRST, this is so important and not obvious.  It is such a uniquely "ME" idea that I am in the process of trademarking it. Go to your local running shoe store, and get fitted for a great pair of running shoes! (trademarked). This makes a huge difference.  Even if the person who helps you is 16 years old, has never run, and is tweeting the Biebs the entire time, they will find you the PERFECT shoe.  Before you visit the store, you will probably notice that you fall a lot and trip sideways while trying to run in your normal $40 running shoes, and some toes (not toenails, toes) will fall off.  SO get fitted by a store that offers running shoes at no discount!  You cannot run by trying shoes on by yourself or looking information up online.  You HAVE to go to your local running shoe store.  Otherwise you'll get slower and fatter.

Buy stuff

SECOND.  This is brand new.  Hot off the press.  This is a secret potion mystery piece of advice.  Never before heard.  The advice is....foam roll. Ideally, you should get 17 different kinds of appliances to rub your body against.  Sticks, balls, foam rollers with bumps and spikes, and foam rollers in size tiny, little, medium, large, and couch. You're welcome.

I use these they are great, and they fit in your pocket

Third.  Once, I tried running in a cotton shirt, and it was absolutely fine and nothing bad happened at all!  NEVERTHELESS, I highly, highly recommend that you click on this link and buy this special tech fabric t-shirt for $35, BUT WAIT, with code "shittyblogger" you get it for $31.27 instead! Free for me, $31.27 for you.  I can't reiterate enough how little of a difference this makes when it comes to actual running performance and comfort, but you admire me and I'm a REAL RUNNER and I wear this shirt (cause it was free).  Stop thinking, turn your brain off and just listen to what I am telling you: buy this shirt for $31.27 more than I paid for it.

Fourth.  Look CUTE while you run!  I have permanent eye damage from foundation running into my eyeballs with sweat while I run, but since my admirers often spot me while running this is simply non-negotiable.  Definitely worth the eye damage.  Mark my words: nothing about running matters more than how you LOOK while running.  Which reminds me also, go buy stripey socks for $86.66 because they make your legs look more dainty.  Big runner legs are gross.

I disagree with this so hard that I am insulted that it exists 

Fifth, go above and beyond running for crying out loud! Otherwise you will be boring! don't be boring! Things that you need to also do include: yoga; burpees; pilates; mountain climbers; PLANKS; marathons; ultra-marathons; triathlons; body pump; ballerina twirls; six more planks; have an elaborate engagement; plan a wedding for a year; and have a baby.  That's a FACT.  Have a baby.  fact.

Sixth, always take a rest day! Take the full day off and just lie in the bed with your limbs splayed out like a starfish, don't even move once all day.  Eat extra donuts.  That's what YOU should do.  On MY rest day, however, I take a bikram yoga class and teach two spin classes, and then go on a 4 mile walk with a dog I found, and then a 3 mile walk with whoever will listen to me gossip. Then a 30-minute shred video. I love my rest days, it's a great opportunity to be lazy and recharge!  

rest day!
Last, but not least: be genetically gifted with attractive genes.  If you want to be successful at managing a blog for other women to be inspired and admire you, it is so important that you have enviable looks.  Be humble and self-deprecating about it.  Call yourself a lard so that people with 12% body fat feel like a double lard.  Being attractive is more important than writing well because you can use 8 pictures in your blog post, and then use just 35 words. For example, I learned how to write by reading Sweet Valley High books and now I have a blog read by millions! People read because they think some of my good looks and graceful lifestyle will rub off on them! haha! what an idea.  Nobody can be perfect like me.  That's why I'm the one with so many admirers.

Author's note: based on true stories. 

None of this is true

Hi ladies and gentlemen!

I'm going to take advantage of this Sunday night opportunity to say hi and see what you all are up to.  What's cooking in blog land?! What'd I miss?

I'll tell you a few things you've missed in my life.

1) Wedding Planning

~The planning has slowed to a trickle of last minute details. The Gentleman and I have both been sorely consumed by work and not attending carefully to the planning, but that's probably a good thing since I was just aimlessly looking at Etsy as my "wedding planning".   Nevertheless, the shindig is going forward, flights of loved ones have been booked, and the Gentleman and I are throwing a party for our nearest and dearest in, omg, FIVE days.

~Remember that hilarious David's Bridal modeling show I put you through?  None of those dresses will be worn by me next Saturday.

Instead I bought TWO dresses.  Neither are from David's Bridal.  They are amazing.  I am having a helluva time deciding which one to wear...both are unique...I can't tell you how many times I have been advised to just wear BOTH and pull off a costume change.  I don't really know how to without seeming like a diva? I'm probably not going to do that.  I want so badly to share the dresses and get your advice but sometimes a flood of internet advice can be counter-effective and just overwhelming.  And one of y'all will tell me you hate the dress that I end up wearing, and that will be sitting in my head the whole day.  So HUSH.  You can hate it later.

The runner-up dress is below.  It is a Mara Hoffman gown that I altered for fit in the bands and the length, and there is some chance I will still wear it....but as of right now, it has been overshadowed by my alternate choice, which I'll keep under cover for now.

Wet hair is my signature look

~I've learned a LOT about people and friends during this whole planning process.  Without sharing too much detail, I can say that some friends have bent over backwards to make sure they can be a part of the day even though they live far away or were invited fairly late in the process, and I will love them forever for it.  Meanwhile, other local friends have given the....shittiest excuses ever for not being able to come.  I'm a fairly drama free person, but these reasons for not being able to make it are fairly insulting and it's hard not to take it personally.  Either people don't really like going to weddings, or they feel this is just a minor BBQ since we are already married, or they never really liked us.

~I have also learned that Oakland continues to beckon me to hate it.  This is only slightly related to the wedding planning--I think it is more that with each step further into adulthood, the more I feel desperate to sink my roots down somewhere less crowded (i.e. no apartment neighbors pounding on every side), with a backyard, where I feel SAFE when I step outside.  I've had Oakland pride for almost 6 years now, but I'm losing it.   Case to illustrate: our package delivery of personalized wedding guest favors was stolen from our building door step.  Also our car was broken into (again), nothing appeared to be taken.  A bunch of real class acts in this city.

~In other news, I've gotten my dumpiest just in time for the wedding.  For reasons due to a lull in my running (read more below) combined with late nights in the office with popcorn and a bar of chocolate for dinner, I'm feeling like a worn out unhealthy lawyer.  A lot of this is in my head, I'm sure I'll look exactly like my normal self, but it's still too bad that I evaded wedding boot camp or something.  The Gentleman and I have a running joke where we look at each other while chowing down on our oreos, gorgonzola gnocchi, smores (we have so many smores ingredients in the house from summer camping trips), ice cream, etc., and say, "man I can't wait for this wedding diet to be over!"  Ha.

But I have help in this department!  I had a practice hair/makeup run, and I think we're in good shape!  It was so fun.  I walked around the grocery store for a half hour afterwards waiting for someone to shout, "Are you a model!? Do you want to go on a date!?"  I felt like an entirely different creature.  I never have this much stuff on my face.


Hi, my name is blush

Who....are you

I want to take this makeup lady with me everywhere.  She made my eyes 3x bigger than they really are, and for some reasons humans are into big eyes.

In the end, the most important thing is that I'm thrilled about the wedding and about every single person who CAN make it and has made an effort to make it, and I can't wait to crump, c-walk, dougie, and bernie lean all over the dance floor. And commit some serious, serious slow dancing.

2) Running

~Things were going ok for a while there.  I had a few tempo runs in the 6:40 zone, some high mileage weeks, and then hip flexor started hurting.  For two weeks, I danced a pattern of take 2 days off, feel okay enough to run, feel not okay on the next run, back to 2 days off.  It has been extremely difficult for me to come to a full running halt right now in order to take care of the hip flexor pain.  With heavy work days and the wedding, I need that stupid rock in the morning.  It gives me confidence, energy, happiness, and excitement to wake up.  I would be much sadder to wake up most mornings if the only place I was headed was work.  I really like to explore the fresh air first, it helps get through the day so so much.

The good news though, is that the hip flexor pain does seem to be improving.  This (sunday) morning I comfortably ran 15 miles.  Comfortable for the hip flexor at least--the rest of me has gradually gotten used to shorter and shorter long runs, and these days, 15 miles feels really intensely long.  My new happy place is 10-12 miles.  Where is that girl who rocked 20 milers like it was nothing!?

~I canceled my fancy expensive gym membership where I swam in a luxurious adult-only pool, so haven't had as many cross-training options.  I found the elliptical a few times, and it's surprising how much I've lost my tolerance for it.  Back in law school, I would bring a thick law book and read case law for two hours on that thing.  Now, I can barely make it one hour without feeling...car sick or something.

~I have a new health insurance plan, and am hoping to start a regular rehab program with a physical therapist.  I am delving deep into the land of no return with this leg-lock issue.  Even though the hip flexor thing has been improving by the day, the leg-lock always is a problem for running fast.  I feel so, so restricted and held back.  It's suffocating!

3) Life

I may have said this before, but it is still true: 2013 is not the year of running for me.  It is the year of wedding, honeymoon, increased work responsibilities, and house hunt, and I am ecstatic to have those fulfilling adventures to focus on while running and racing goes on the back burner.

This is my uniform these days, not running gear

Unfortunately, that means that the three races I am signed up for in the remainder of the year may very well be no-shows for me.  I believe signing up for a race in advance is a curse that means you will not be able to run and will instead watch your money disappear.

I'm signed up for the San Jose RnR half in October, the inaugural Berkeley half marathon in November (got in for free), and CIM in December (because why not, it's arguably the best marathon in NorCal or even all of California).  I don't think I will be rehabbed in time to run "fast" by October; I will be on honeymoon in November; and will be in no shape to run a marathon in December after a 3 week honeymoon.  Although I am open to advice for good places to run in Peru in case I can somehow get a few runs in. ;)

4) Etc.


Neon Katherine!

~A long while back I had the pleasure of meeting Katherine when she was in the Bay Area and we had a great meal together.  I can't stress enough what a delight it was--I mean, I know we all gush about meeting bloggers after we meet them, but this was like at least over a month ago and I'm still buzzing from the new friendship.  She has a much, much bigger personality than I was prepared for (aren't most internet nerds secretly awkward hermits?) and you just have to know, her blog is just the tip of the iceberg.  She is super neato.  You can quote me on that.  

~I'm sad  we haven't been able to discuss Desiree together.



What a strange season of the Bachelorette this was.  Poor girl can convince her simple brain to believe anything, including, that she is in love with Chris while still crying over Brooks.   Janae PLEASE BE the next bachelorette.  Those men would be tripping all over themselves to get the most eligible hotty in the country right now.  I'm getting in line myself.

~As for blogging, it will continue to be what it is.  Sporadic, probably boring for you.  I'm sure it is difficult as a reader to stay invested in a blog when the material is so sparse.  I will say I have increasingly battled feelings of.... caution about the world of blogging.  It feels more than ever that there are risks to sharing truths of your life publicly.  It is unwise for so many reasons....relating to career, safety, privacy, sanity, etc.  From here on out, I'm going to mostly lie ;)  None of this is true! I'm not me! You don't know nothin!