The Return of ShittyBlogger

Hi babykins, it's me! Your amazeballs internet role model!

I can't believe I haven't posted since 13 HOURS AGO! A lot has happened since then.

I woke up this morning bright and early, because I had a big day ahead of me!

On tap was three meals, two snacks, a cute outfit to pick out, blog photos to take, and a workout!

The excitement for me was palpable.  I just love these days so much.  They can get really hectic! After breakfast, there is always these 12 minutes where I'm scrambling because I can't remember if the next step in my day is a workout or lunch.  It's confusing, but I am committed to this lifestyle.  It is SO, so important to me that I do whatever I have to so that I can look like a sorority girl as long as possible.

To "break the fast" so to speak, I made myself a bowl of dry oatmeal.  I'm on a raw diet for really questionable reasons that have to do with enjoying eating restrictions.  It gives me a great excuse to be disordered when I am out with friends.

Here is a picture of my morning meal in all its glory!

Wait, let's get another angle.

A few more.

Whoa.  That photo was too close.  Zooming out.

I just love the bowls that I use for all my meals.  Here is a picture that I accidentally took in context with other items, so you can tell the size of the bowl.  They are perfect size for me.

After I took pictures of my food for 30 minutes, I took a bite of it.  Then it was time to go, go, go! I had a hot date with the GYM!

It was an intense workout.  I did crossfit bodypump P90x burpee mountain climbers, with 8 rest intervals for selfies in the gym mirror.

Just to prove that I'm not lying, here is a pic of how much I sweat!

When I got home, I was so sweaty and so busy! I had 13 blog comments to moderate, and a smoothie to make.  Smoothies, guys.  There's nothing like a green mustache to say--"hey, here's a really gross picture of me with a green mustache."

The glass jar is there to say "I'm cute and artistic!" and the black blobs are there to remind you "my diet is nasty!"

Also, a little known healthy blogger fact: protein powder makes you fart.  all day.  Thank goodness blogs don't come in smell-o-vision, guyssss! (what I mean by that is that I fart a lot because of the protein powder, and if you had to smell me all day instead of just read about me, it would not be pretty).

Back to the smoothie.  It tasted just like ice cream! I would know.  I had ice cream once 11 years ago back before I realized how much my existence is centered around staying thin and pretty.  I'm fairly certain this smoothie tastes exactly like that ice cream!

Around 1:18 p.m., I suddenly I got an attack of the shoppies (that's what I call it when I'm bored and have nothing to do and think, dude, I have to shop NOW!).

My favorite thing about shopping is the mirrors.


I bought exactly what my closet needs -- my 118th pair of skinny jeans!  It's hard for me not to obsess over something with the word "skinny" in it.  It's osmosis.  The jeans will make you skinny.

After 3 hours of posing in the dressing room and taking pictures, I NEEDED a snack.

Thank goodness. I always keep a handful of Splenda packets in my purse and in the car for emergency snacks.  You never know when the urge to eat will hit! Especially for someone like me who has forgotten what a hunger cue is.  My new trademarked tip for you is that you keep a healthy snack in your purse so you don't get HANGRY and do something crazy like eat a snickers bar!!!! aaaaaccckkk! Can you imagine? a snickers bar?

I felt much better after my snack.

Well shit, this day has been busy.  It is now 4:27 p.m. and I am hyperventilating because I have to figure out what to do about dinner.  I can't fucking find my camera (I might have left it in the dressing room after the 300 selfies?) so I'm about to starve to death.  Shoot, darn, drats.  How am I supposed to eat something if it isn't photographed.

I'm so scared right now.